(was updated as I approach the final draft)

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Paragraph 1: Humanity DNA and hook

  - Hook to idea “humanity DNA” —>

  - How my self intro shows DNA —>

  - Overarching logic of this essay —>

  - Hook to two main topics (two roads)

  - need to think of a more fluent way to integrate the intro to algorithms (Done)

  - More clear hook to the two main topics (two roads)? (Done)

 

Paragraph 2: Story behind being different

  - Different family education approach —>

  - Example (Internet usage) —> 

                 - May assumed that readers could know the connection between these two

  - Example of me being special —>

  - Awareness connects to the next paragraph

 

Paragraph 3: Beginning to choose my road: Think Different

  - Connect to the last paragraph: awareness development

  - Start to feel uneasy —>

  - "Think Different” —>

  - Mindset and behavior change (chose the other road) —>

   - Formulate personal values that allow me to stick on the road even when it is not easy (hint to next paragraphs)

 

Paragraph 4: Darkest years of my life (bumpy road)

  - Peer review feedback: the reference to Frost does not look fluent.  

  - Peer review feedback: consider replacing “tinpot” for clarity - changed to "lame."

  - May not enjoy the good things on the other road —>

  - How I didn’t like the standard education system —>

  - How I became an outlier in that system —>

               - Bad experiences (how they conflict my own values?)

  - (Through) holding onto my own values (How?)

  - Got my chance to leave the system 

 

Paragraph 5: cognitive biases: confirmation bias + focusing on winners

  - may need a better transition from the previous paragraph.

 

Paragraph 6: Me to marketers and algorithms (superficial road)

  - Marketers group people with similar characteristics

               - Logic may not fit if talking about the road marketers create are also unique but only superficial

  - Users —> data points

  - Examples (me to Google and Meta)

  - Merge the next paragraph with this one? Add conclusion?

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Paragraph 7: How information gets to me.

  - “Programmatic advertising” techniques

  - Example (YT + IG)

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Paragraph 8: How the road looks smart but is superficial

  - How the road looks clever (research + personal) —> BUT!

  - Tension between self-perception & algorithm

               - DNAs shape choice (like corporate visions & strategies) —> 

               - Same phenotype led by different genotypes

               - Example: Tesla

               - Too many examples? I think this part is a bit messy

               - blind people “seeing” the elephant —> particularly correct, fundamentally wrong'

               - advertisers did not find a way to categorize internal “me.”

 

Paragraph 9: Research aspiration

  - smoother transition needed

  - Further analysis needed

 

Overall: need to condense.

Overall: focus on first/last sentences of the paragraphs to build a more coherent logic for readers.